“I figure life’s a gift and I don’t intend on wasting it. You don’t know what hand you’re gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you… to make each day count.”—Jack Dawson (Titanic, 1997)
you're more beautiful because of your struggles <3
Thank you! That means a lot to me, but I don’t believe that a person has to struggle at some point to be beautiful. I have beautiful friends that don’t know hardship and I don’t hold it against them. Sometimes I just feel like I have an old soul.
I've been getting a lot of messages lately saying how awesome my life must be
I’m not going to say that it’s not amazing or that I’m not thankful for everything I have or have been able to do, but there are so many different aspects of my life that probably don’t show through this blog. Although I’d like my blog to be extremely personal, I split my 7 day week between working full time, going to school full time, learning piano, and skateboarding so I don’t usually have the time to post pictures that I’ve taken or how I’m feeling. Sure I get to fly wherever I want and do some extraordinary things with my life, but rIght now I’m just exhausted. I have an exam and a paper due on tuesday. I have to work at 9 am tomorrow. I could go on about what I need to do, but that’s besides the point of this entire entry. I just want to say that I live a fairly normal life. I say that in respect to the bad days, good days, dumb luck, and horrible circumstances. When I was 17 I tried to kill myself 3 times in one week. When I was 18 my best friend hung himself and my parents divorced in the same month. I have bad days. Depression comes my way. I get stressed pretty often these days. The truth is that all the stress and all the bad days are a choice. We may not have total control over our circumstances at all times, but we do have control over how we react to every little things that occur in our lives. Every single minute of our lives we are making choices and every single one is important. The idea of the butterfly effect is that the flap of a butterfly’s wings can cause a hurricane on the other side of the world, maybe even at a later date. If you really digest that; it’s easy to apply to our daily lives. If I think about my best friend being gone, I might not get out of bed that day. Then I miss class and get behind. Then I stress because of class and get even more upset. I stay in bed again and skip work. I lose my job. The process goes on, but what if I had thought about my friend’s suicide and smiled because I remembered the time that we built snow forts and tried to stay a night in one. Or the time that we went camping at Holiday World. Or the time that we shot holes through my barn with a potato gun. Or all the times that we would go to the skatepark, or play video games, or just fight with each other and act like nothing happened the next day. I choose to think positively about any and every situation I am in and in return I get positive results. I’m not always happy with my parents or my friends and sometimes I get so damn nostalgic I could just sit and cry. Honestly though, I’m thankful to be alive. I’m thankful for the experiences I’ve had and I’m dying to live every day like it’s my last. For the person that said I need to write a book I really appreciate the thought and maybe I will some day. I will remember to write out some of my best stories when I have the time. This summer will be a huge adventure and I’ll make sure to document as much as I can. In the meantime, if there was anything to grasp from this post it’s that life can be better or worse, mine included, and that we have the choice to decide which one it will be.
“It no longer makes me cry and die and tear myself to see her go because everything goes away from me like that now — girls, visions, anything, just in the same way and forever and I accept lostness forever.”—Jack Kerouac, Visions of Cody (via deadmarch)
“No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all. There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should’ve been paying attention.”—Chuck Palahniuk (via belljarred)